Several years ago, I was asked to do a “Renewal of Vows” service for a 40th wedding anniversary celebration. The couple was well known in the community, and their open house was attended by a large crowd. Darrell and Betty wanted me to recreate for them an entire wedding service, adjusting the words to fit a ‘renewal’ of the vows made forty years earlier. Here is what I said for the meditation.
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Darrell and Betty, family and friends, grace and peace to you from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
In the movie Shawshank Redemption, Morgan Freeman plays an old prison convict nick-named ‘Red.’ Red has been in prison for many years already when the movie begins, and as the story unfolds, we see him appear before the parole board several times. Each time, Red gives them the same half-hearted speech about how he has truly been reformed and is no longer a threat to society. Each time, he looks and sounds phony; and each time, parole is denied. Finally, near the end of the movie, after Red’s outlook has been changed by his friendship with one of the other prisoners, he is able to speak from the heart to the parole board. By this time, he has been in prison for about forty years, and he says:
I was just a kid when I committed my crimes; just a dumb kid. And when I look back over all the years, it seems like I don’t even know that person who I was then. Who was he? It doesn’t feel anymore like it was me at all. But it was me, and I have often wished that I could talk to that kid. I’d like to tell him what I know now, and help him make the right choices, and not mess everything up like he– like I– did.
Red was sincere that time, and he was finally paroled.
Not long ago, I was talking to someone who was not a convict in a movie, but was a real, live middle-aged man who said something similar about his life. He said:
Everything that I am now—my marriage, my career, my family, the city I live in—everything; all those decisions were made by a kid in his early twenties. What did I know then? Nothing. I knew nothing about life yet, and now, at fifty, I am hardly the same person anymore. Yet, the decisions that kid made way back then, determined everything for me now. I’m stuck in a life I don’t like, and it almost feels it was all chosen by someone else.
He talked like HE was in prison.
In both those examples, the person is looking back in regret at decisions made long ago; and in both, they have come to think of their long ago self as someone else.
Well, Darrell and Betty, we are here with you today to remember a decision the two of you made a long time ago, a decision that determined a good part of the rest of your lives. But unlike the two examples I began with, we are here not to regret that decision, but to celebrate it. We are all very happy for you today, and we congratulate you, and we wish you many more happy anniversaries.
But those two examples of old Red and my middle-aged friend are thought-provoking. Look at that wedding picture on that table over there of the two of you. Do you remember those two kids? Does it sometimes seem like they are two different people? You have been around the block a few times since then. You have experienced so much, both happy and sad. You were your parents’ kids then; now you are the patriarch and matriarch of your own large clan. You know so much more now. You were so young then.
I often shake my head at the stupidity of kids in their twenties; and then I remember how foolish I could be back then. And yet, that is the age at which we all make many of our life-determining choices.
That is precisely what makes a 40th wedding anniversary all the more wonderful. We have to make these choices and commitments, and we have to make them when we are still young and without full knowledge of what we are all getting ourselves into for the next forty, fifty, or even sixty years. But with God’s help, we figure it out as we go. At the center of the marriage service are the vows; vows to stay together and to work it out from then on– and it usually is a lot of work. But then again, that is just what makes a 40th anniversary such a great day, and a good day for a grateful family and good friends to celebrate with you.
You wanted to begin your open house today with this service, as an opportunity to recommit your love and your lives to each other. You know a lot more about life than those two kids in the picture. You know each other far better than you did forty years ago, and you still want to be together. Wonderful! We are all happy to celebrate this day with you.
You can look back today over these forty years with thanksgiving and with pride, and you can look forward to the future with faith and hope. As you now enter your 41st year together, may God continue to be with you and you with him in your life together.
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Proverbs 5:18b — May you rejoice with the wife of your youth.
Matthew 19:4-6 — (Jesus said), “In the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Proverbs 3:3 — Let love and faithfulness never leave you.
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A Wedding Day prayer: O God, our Father, bless this man and this woman who have promised themselves to each other in marriage. We thank you that they have found such love, trust, and faith in each other, that they wish to take each other to have and to hold all the days of their lives. Let nothing ever come between them, but throughout all the chances and changes of life, keep them forever loving and forever true. Protect them from illness, from poverty, and from anything which would drive them apart. When trials do come, grant that such troubles serve to bring them closer to you and to each other. Grant unto them a love that will keep them together through all of their days, until death parts them. In the name of Jesus, we pray for them. Amen.
–William Barclay (1907-1978)
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LeRoy and Marian were elderly, faithful members of my congregation. They were married when they were only eighteen. LeRoy told me Marian’s old aunt was not in favor of the wedding, telling everyone they were too young, and the marriage would never last. At their 65th wedding anniversary celebration, LeRoy said, “Well, I guess we proved her wrong, so far anyway.”
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Shania Twain’s 1998 hit You’re Still the One:
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