When I was preaching every Sunday, I often struggled with what to say on Mother’s Day. Of course, I would say “Happy Mother’s Day” during the announcements, and then, in the prayers I would give thanks to God for our mothers. But beyond that, I wasn’t sure what else I should do. Many people expected an entire sermon on mothers each year. Some others, including me, believed the emphasis of every worship service should be on worshiping God. One can, of course, blend the two themes together, and that is what I usually did. But there were still other concerns.
A preacher can easily do a twenty-minute sermon on the joys of motherhood, how wonderful our own mothers were, how ‘the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world,’ the many sacrifices mothers make, and how God has blessed us all in so many ways, beginning with the deep love of our mothers for us. Many people like that kind of sermon, and look for it on Mother’s Day. And it is all true and very nice… but not for everyone.
Mother’s Day is more complicated than that for many people. There are those who do not have good memories of their mother, those who do not have good memories of how they treated their mother, and those who even now do not get along with their mother for a variety of reasons. There are those who never knew their mother, or who lost their mother at an early age. There are those who desperately wish to be in on all the joys of motherhood, but who cannot yet, and perhaps never will be, a mother. There are those who are about to be mothers, but wish they were not in that condition. Even for those who do have good relationships with their mothers, there is often a maddening mixture of emotions. The preacher does not want to go on and on too long about how wonderful it all is for every mother and child.
I wonder what words would come to mind most often in this ‘word association’ test: I’d say ‘mother,’ and you’d say the first word that came to your mind. Love… certainly for many. Home… of course. Selfless, generous, caring, nurturing, sacrifice, hard-working, strength, supportive, comforting, devotion… all of the above. And, perhaps guilt?… oh, yeah.
How many mothers does it take to change a lightbulb? One mother’s response: “None. I can’t do it, and I can’t get anyone to help me. But that’s okay. I don’t need light. I’ll just sit here in the dark. No one ever comes to visit me anyway.” I googled ‘mothers and guilt’ and that one came up. Most children of all ages know what it means to be on the receiving end of a mother’s guilt trip. There are many jokes and quotes online about that.
But guess what else I found in my internet search? I found an abundance of quotes and stories about the guilt that mothers feel: about never having enough time and not being able to do enough, about the mistakes they made that cannot be corrected, about time misspent, about times they were too strict and times they were too lenient, about when they said too much or didn’t say enough; along with guilt over angry outbursts, lost opportunities, bad advice, and so much more.
Many mothers are experts at guilt trips, and many children have much to feel guilty about. There are, actually, many mothers sitting at home, alone, in the dark, waiting for a call or a visit. Someday, their children will feel guilty about that.
As I was working on this, I walked by the television my wife was watching. I saw two minutes of a New York reporter, talking about making funeral arrangements for her mother. She was remembering what her dad had recently told her, “Go visit your mother; she wants to see you.” But the reporter was always too busy. Now she feels guilty; not because her mother or father gave her a guilt trip, but from the recognition of a mistake made, now too late to correct. And, perhaps that mother, sitting there waiting for a visit from her daughter that never came, also was feeling guilty about things done or not done years ago.
There are many people who have written off the church and the Bible because they say there is too much emphasis on sin and guilt. But we all, already know, all about sin and guilt. We sin all the time, and we know it; and we have much to regret and many reasons to feel guilty, and we know it. The Bible is simply describing who we really are, and life as it really is. But along with that, the Bible tells us what God has done about that for us.
The video that follows is of the worship service on Mother’s Day, 2021, at Salem Covenant Church in New Brighton, Minnesota. The preacher is Lutheran pastor and theologian Walter Sundberg. He begins with a nice tribute to mothers, and then he gives a sermon on Mephibosheth. The sermon does not directly deal with mothers, but it touches on some of the themes in this meditation: fearing God because of our sin and guilt, and, responding to God’s offer of forgiveness and a place at His table. (Sundberg begins at minute 25:00 of the video)
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The #1 song in America in December of 1974 was “Cats in the Cradle” performed by Harry Chapin. It remains very popular because it is about a familiar theme. It is a song about guilt, written by a mother. The singer regrets never taking time to spend with his son when his son was younger. At the end of the song, the son is grown, and now, the son has no time for his father. The song is written as a father talking about his son, but it was actually written by Harry Chapin’s wife, Sandra. In the below video, Sandra tells of writing the song, and then we see Harry performing it. Harry Chapin died in a car accident in 1981. He was 38 years old, and his children were nine and ten. Sandra Chapin never remarried and is now 92 years old.
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Exodus 20:12 — Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
Isaiah 66:13 — As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.
Psalm 139:13 — For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
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Heavenly Father, whose Son Jesus Christ was subject to Mary and Joseph at Nazareth, and shared there the life of an earthly home; send down your blessing upon all Christian families. Grant to parents the spirit of wisdom and understanding; give to children a spirit of obedience and true reverence; and so bind each to each with a bond of mutual love, that to all its members of whatsoever age, every Christian family may be in the image of the Holy Family of Nazareth. Amen.
–Edward C. Ratcliffe, Cambridge University professor of Divinity
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And just remember, “Behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is messing it all up.”
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