Linda wanted nothing more than to get out of her dead marriage. She wanted so much more out of life, but her marriage to Ted seemed to get in the way of everything. She missed her independence. The passionate feelings of love that made them sure they wanted to get married after knowing each other only four months, were long gone. They soon learned they had little in common, and not much love left. Their six years of marriage were increasingly marked by little tenderness and love, poor communication, and arguing about everything. They had some pleasant times, and there were no serious problems like alcohol, infidelity, or abuse; but they had drifted apart, and divorce seemed like the only answer. They had no children to worry about, and Linda did not think Ted would object to the idea. He’d probably be glad that she made the first move toward the inevitable.
So, Linda went to see an attorney. Her friend had told her about the lawyer she had used for her divorce; a brilliant man with a wonderful mean streak. He always got the upper hand with his superior intelligence and his fierce intimidation of opposing lawyers and spouses. Linda did not expect a bitter fight from Ted, so she did not call that attorney. She went on-line and looked not for a big firm with a long, important sounding name and lots of lawyers; but rather for an independent lawyer with a small office. She found Mark Rasmussen and called his office. Linda was surprised to hear Mark himself answer, and figured the secretary must be out. She made an appointment for the next day.
When Linda arrived, she was surprised to find just a one room, cluttered office in a strip mall; with no secretary and no waiting room. Mark looked like a mess with uncombed hair and a tie that did not match his crumpled shirt. Linda began to wonder if she made a good choice, but she sat down and told her story. Mark seemed nice enough, but he asked strange questions. She expected questions about the couple’s income and assets, but instead he was asking about Ted’s good qualities and why she married him. He encouraged her to think about what they did have in common, and what they enjoyed doing together. He found out they had a strong circle of mutual friends, and that they each got along well with the other’s family. Mark asked if she had talked to Mark about divorce, or if they had made any effort to heal the relationship. Linda said, “No, but what does any of that have to do with what I am here for? You do divorces, right?”
Mark said, “Linda, I have been a divorce lawyer for twenty-one years, and I’ve seen far too much sadness and bitterness. For eight of those years, I was out there like a vicious dog, going to get all I could for my client, in any way that I was able. I did not care who I hurt and I didn’t care what was fair. I just wanted to win and build my reputation. It worked. I was 35 years old and had a reputation as one of the best. I was getting all the lucrative cases. But then my own marriage fell apart. I had no moral compass there either. I made no effort to make it work, and I made no effort to keep it together. We divorced, and I ended up alone and miserable. Looking back, I realize my wife was a good person. With even a little effort from me, we could have made the marriage work, and we could have raised our son together. But I was used to going to the quick and easy answer of divorce. My wife wanted us to try counseling, but I refused. My divorce did not have to happen and I regret it. Two years later I became a Christian, and that has made a huge difference in how I understand and do everything. I remained a lawyer and have kept specializing in divorce cases, because there are still plenty of people out there in horrible marriages. There are many spouses who need protection and help as they part. But I don’t take any client unless I really think divorce is the only alternative.”
Linda said, “I understand what you’re saying Mark, but I think I’m a better judge of my marriage than you are. I want a divorce, and I’m paying you to talk about that, not about reconciliation.”
Mark replied, “Don’t worry about the money. I don’t charge anything unless I take the case, and I’m not going to take yours. I told you I’ve seen too much sadness; people jumping out of one marriage and into another, bringing all the same problems into the next relationship. I’m not a part of that anymore. I now take seriously what Jesus says about the marriage vows. And I disagree with something you said. I don’t think you are a better judge of your marriage. Your frustration and sadness are blinding you to what possibilities there might be for your relationship with Ted. You said you’d never tried to get help. Marriage counselors can be very helpful. I’ve seen marriages saved that were far worse than yours. I know a good Christian counselor who has helped many couples. She can tell you about the healing that Christ can bring. She cannot guarantee that she will be able to save your marriage, but I hope you talk to Ted and make the attempt. Jesus was right when he said ‘the two become one flesh,’ and when even a bad marriage ends, there is an agonizing ripping and tearing of one’s heart. I’m feeling the pain of mine yet, and it’s been eleven years.”
Linda said, “If you send all your business away like this, I can see why you can’t afford a secretary.” Mark replied, “I still make enough; and I’ve seen a lot of marriages get healed without a divorce. That’s more important to me than having a secretary and a big name for myself. I hope you try to save your marriage.”
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Mark 10:6-9 — (Jesus said), “At the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
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O God, who art everywhere present, bless this our home, and help us to remember that Jesus is always our unseen guest; and so help us never in this place to do or to say anything which would make him sad to see or to hear. Amen.
–William Barclay
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