Bill looked in the phone book (remember those?), randomly picked out a church, called the number, and got a hold of me. He said he was 49 years old, homebound with ALS, and was rapidly losing his strength and coordination. He could still talk, and he wanted to have a conversation with someone who knew something about religion. He said he never went to church, never thought much about God, and for many years lived a wicked life. To use his words, he said he “needed some tools” to help him deal with what he was going through. I said I could come to his house that afternoon.
It was with some anxiety that I drove over to see Bill. Here was a man in the midst of life who had been dealt a bad hand. Being diagnosed at age 49 with ALS is about as bad as it gets, and I expected it would be a difficult conversation with a man in deep despair. What I wasn’t expecting was that over the next few months I would be uplifted and inspired by this man.
Bill was right when he said God would not approve of much in his life, especially in his younger years. He was often in trouble with the law, drank way too much whisky, was in and out of several relationships, and was not a good husband or father. Then, he spent some time in prison.
When Bill got out of prison, he was ready to settle down. He remarried one of his previous wives, reconnected with his children, quit drinking, and got a job. But he still had no time for or interest in God.
Now, however, he was ready to pay attention. He already had a quiet acceptance of his fate. He was one who fit perfectly the dictionary definition of a stoic: “a person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining.” He could have went on and on about how unfair life was; now, that he finally started living better, life was being taken away from him. He could have been bitter about that, and angry at the God he barely believed in.
But Bill expressed no anger or bitterness. Rather, he wanted to get to know this God who had given him this life, and he now wanted to be grateful to God for whatever he had left of it. He had asked for some ‘tools’ to help him deal with his illness and upcoming death, so I brought him a Bible. I wrote down several things to read and showed him how to look up passages. I told him he needed to get to know Jesus, and brought him the six-hour television mini-series “Jesus of Nazareth” to watch. Along with that ‘homework,’ we had several great conversations. Bill was open, articulate, and wanted to learn all he could; and, he was a quick learner. Before long, he was putting his hope and trust in Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior, and was not embarrassed to tell his family and friends about his faith. He said it was a message most of them needed to hear.
Eventually, Bill had to go into a care center where he was the youngest resident. There, it became his ‘mission’ to encourage those around him. And he could do it. He talked about how he always had a cheerful word for the other residents in that often ‘cheerless’ place. He described how he would say to the elderly ladies, “Hi beautiful,” or “How are you today, Sweetie,” and how it would bring a big smile to their faces. He liked to talk to the old guys about hunting or fishing or Vietnam or fast cars. Bill said he was happy to be able to brighten the other residents’ days just a little bit. As long as he could, he wanted to make whatever contribution possible to the lives of others. It was a privilege and an inspiration to know such a good and faithful man.
When I do my visits, I try to find Bible verses to read that are appropriate to the person’s situation. Take for example Psalm 103:2-3 which says, “Praise the Lord, Oh my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all my sins and who heals all my diseases.” That is a great verse for someone who is on the road to recovery. It is not as good for someone who is dying of cancer. Or I Peter 5:10 that says, “After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.” That is a great verse for someone who is in therapy and indeed getting stronger; but not as good for someone with ALS who is only going to get weaker.
But in my last few visits with Bill, I did read those verses to him, and talked about how on a deeper level all those prayers do get answered by God, even for one who is dying. God will indeed ‘heal all our diseases,’ but sometimes that healing has to wait until the final, complete healing of the resurrection. Bill’s time of suffering would soon end, and God would then make him ‘strong, firm, and steadfast,’ just like the verse says; but it will be in Bill’s new life and new body in God’s eternal home. Bill always said he’d like to live a while yet, but if death had to come, he was ready for that. He said he did believe in the life to come made possible by Christ Jesus, and he took comfort in that faith.
In my last visit with Bill I read from Psalm 121, another verse that one might think would not apply. Verse seven says, “The Lord will keep you from all harm.” I asked him, “What do you suppose that means for you, Bill. The Lord didn’t keep you from getting ALS.”
Bill said “I don’t know what that means for me.”
I said, “I don’t know either.” I went on to say there is much about God that I don’t understand, but I told Bill that only in God is there any hope for any of us. In the first verse of that same Psalm it says, “I lift up my eyes to the hills, where is my help going to come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Where else? Bill was in a bad way. There is no help for someone with ALS. It weakens you and then it kills you, and no one can do anything about it. But God, who made this earth and gave us this life, can help, and when this body is dead and this life is over, only God can give you another one.
There was a time when Jesus asked the disciples if they were going to abandon him like so many others had. Peter replied, “Lord, to whom shall we go? Only you have the words of eternal life.” Where else, indeed? We may feel like abandoning Jesus out of anger or confusion or fear, but we will still suffer and get sick and die, and then what? Where else can we look for such a promise, even if life looks unfair and the promise is delayed?
“I am the resurrection and the life,” said Jesus, “He who believes in me, even though he dies, yet shall he live again.” And so, the last verse of that Psalm that I read in my last visit with Bill says, “The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” Forever. Not long after that last visit, Bill moved from the ‘now’ part of that promise to the ‘forevermore’ part. And though the ashes from his ravaged earthly body ended up in a small wooden box, Bill received from the Jesus that he came to believe in, a new and better body in a new and better home.
In that last visit with Bill, we talked much about heaven and the hope of the life to come. Just before I left, I said, “Any one of these times could be our last visit Bill, and in case this is the one, and we don’t see each other again here, I will see you in heaven.”
“Okay,” Bill said, “I’ll probably be getting there first, so look me up.”
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II Corinthians 4:16-18: “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So, we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
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In the midst of life we are in death. Of whom may we seek comfort but of Thee, O Lord?
—Book of Common Prayer
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