AND WHEN I DIE by Blood, Sweat, and Tears
I’m not scared of dying, And I don’t really care.
If it’s peace you find in dying, Well then let the time be near.
If it’s peace you find in dying, And if dying time is here,
Just bundle up my coffin
‘Cause it’s cold way down there.
I hear that its cold way down their. Yeah, crazy cold way down there.
[Chorus:] And when I die, and when I’m gone,
There’ll be one child born
In this world to carry on, to carry on.
Now troubles are many, they’re as deep as a well.
I can swear there ain’t no heaven but I pray there ain’t no hell.
Swear there ain’t no heaven and I pray there ain’t no hell,
But I’ll never know by living, only my dying will tell.
Yes only my dying will tell. Yeah, only my dying will tell.
[Chorus]
Give me my freedom for as long as I be.
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me.
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me,
And all I ask of dying is to go naturally.
Oh I want to go naturally.
Here I go, Hey Hey! Here comes the devil, Right Behind.
Look out children, Here he comes! Here he comes! Hey…
Don’t want to go by the devil. Don’t want to go by demon.
Don’t want to go by Satan, Don’t want to die uneasy.
Just let me go naturally.
and when I die, When I’m dead, dead and gone,
There’ll be one child born in our world to carry on, To carry on.
This song was recorded by Blood, Sweat, and Tears in 1969 and made it to #2 on the charts. It was written by Laura Nyro. Nyro was not very famous, but she is in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. She did not do much performing, but she wrote some hits for big stars and her talent was admired by some of the best in the business. She wrote this song in 1964 when she was 17 years old. She died in 1997 at the age of 49 of ovarian cancer.
The song expresses confusion and uncertainty about what happens when you die. Laura Nyro begins the song with these brave words: “I’m not scared of dying and I don’t really care,” but then the very next line says this; “If it’s peace you find in dying well then let the time be near.” IF, she writes. That is a big IF– too big for me. Later she writes, “I can swear there ain’t no heaven.” She is certain of that, but does not say how she came to such certainty; and she “prays there ain’t no hell.” And then, “I’ll never know by living only my dying will tell.”
Her attitude is confused, but confident; the kind of bravado you might see in a 17 year old. But I wonder if when she was dying at the age of 49 she was as casual about death, and as content and brave even with such uncertainty. Perhaps she was. Some people are. Or, did she say to herself, “What was I thinking? This is frightening, and terrible, and I do care, and I do wish I could have a few more years.”
“If it’s peace you find in dying, well then let the time be near.” In tomorrow’s meditation we will look at this unsettling uncertainty. (continued…)
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Job 14:14a — If a man die, shall he live again?
Romans 6:8 — Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.
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Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me… Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell your house, O Lord, forever. –From the 23rd Psalm
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And a little bit more…
Seen on Youtube, posted below the song And When I Die:
My brother posted this song yesterday after coming back from the oncologist. They gave him 3-6 months to live. My heart is broken. This song inspired him as he opted to not do treatment, but to just ‘go naturally.’ I love you, brother.
He was inspired to ‘go naturally,’ just like the song says. But is there any hope in that? I wonder what Laura Nyro meant by going naturally. A slow and painful death as one’s body wastes away with cancer, a crippling stroke, or a heart attack while playing with your grandchildren, are all ‘natural’ breakdowns of the body that lead to death; but all are quite dreadful. To just “go naturally” might sound comforting in the context of such a cheerful song. It was for that brother. But what does it mean? What comfort or hope does it give?
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Not long after this song was released, my grandfather died suddenly at the age of 66. I was fifteen years old, and grandpa lived just down the street from our house. I saw him every day and we were close. His death devastated me, and I was interested in learning anything I could about death. However, I wasn’t sure anymore if I believed in Jesus. Popular culture was at that time just beginning its unrelenting assault on the Christian faith, and that proved to be a huge challenge to my own personal faith, as for so many others. But Rock and Roll was a credible source of information for me then, and so I listened to this song again and again to see if I could get any insight into this, the biggest of all life’s questions. I remember coming to the realization that it wasn’t offering any hope. The song says, “I can swear there ain’t no heaven, and I pray there ain’t no hell; but I’ll never know by living, only my dying will tell.” And I wondered, Is there something we can know before we die about what comes next?
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