157) For Parents With Young Children in Church

Written by the wife of a Lutheran pastor at:  www.iamtotallythatmom.blogspot.ca

Dear Parents with young children in church,

You are doing something really, really important.  I know it’s not easy.  I see you with your arms overflowing, and I know you came to church already tired.  Parenting is tiring.  Really tiring.

I watch you bounce and sway trying to keep the baby quiet, juggling the infant car seat and the diaper bag as you find a seat.  I see you wince as your child cries.  I see you anxiously pull things out of your bag of tricks to try to quiet them.

And I see you with your toddler and your preschooler.  I watch you cringe when your little girl asks an innocent question in a voice that might not be an inside voice let alone a church whisper.  I hear the exasperation in your voice as you beg your child to just sit, to be quiet as you feel everyone’s eyes on you.  Not everyone is looking, but I know it feels that way.

I know you’re wondering, is this worth it?  Why do I bother?  I know you often leave church more exhausted than fulfilled.  But what you are doing is so important.

When you are here, the church is filled with a joyful noise.  When you are here, the Body of Christ is more fully present.  When you are here, we are reminded that this worship thing we do isn’t about Bible Study or personal, quiet contemplation but coming together to worship as a community where all are welcome, where we share in the Word and Sacrament together.  When you are here, I have hope that these pews won’t be empty in ten years when your kids are old enough to sit quietly and behave in worship.  I know that they are learning how and why we worship now, before it’s too late.  They are learning that worship is important.

I see them learning.  In the midst of the cries, whines, and giggles, in the midst of the crinkling of pretzel bags and the growing pile of crumbs I see a little girl who insists on going two pews up to share peace with someone she’s never met.  I watch a child excitedly color a cross and point to the one in the front of the sanctuary.  I hear the echos of Amens just a few seconds after the rest of the community says it together.  I watch a boy just learning to read try to sound out the words in the worship book or count his way to Hymn 672.  Even on weeks when I can’t see my own children learning because, well, it’s one of those mornings, I can see your children learning.

I know how hard it is to do what you’re doing, but I want you to know, it matters.  It matters to me.  It matters to my children to not be alone in the pew.  It matters to the congregation to know that families care about faith, to see young people; and even on those weeks when you can’t see the little moments, it matters to your children.

It matters that they learn that worship is what we do as a community of faith, that everyone is welcome, that their worship matters.  When we teach children that their worship matters, we teach them that they are enough right here and right now as members of the church community.  They don’t need to wait until they can believe, pray or worship a certain way to be welcome here, and I know adults who are still looking to be shown that.  It matters that children learn that they are an integral part of this church, that their prayers, their songs, and even their badly (or perfectly timed, depending on who you ask) cries and whines are a joyful noise because it means they are present.

I know it’s hard, but thank you for what you do when you bring your children to church.  Please know that your family – with all of its noise, struggle, commotion, and joy – are not simply tolerated, you are a vital part of the community gathered in worship.


Luke 18:15-17  —  People were also bringing babies to Jesus for him to place his hands on them.  When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them.  But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.  Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”

 English: Jesus Christ with children

Joel 2:16  —  Gather the people, consecrate the assembly; bring together the elders, gather the children,  those nursing at the breast.

Joel 1:3  —  Tell it to your children, and let your children tell it to their children, and their children to the next generation.

Proverbs 22:6  —  Train up a child in the way he should go:  and when he is old, he will not depart from it.



O God, you have dealt very mysteriously with us.  We have been passing through deep waters; but though you slay us, yet we will trust in you… You have reclaimed your borrowed treasures.  Yet, O Lord, shall I not thank you now?  I will thank you not only for the children you have left to us, but for those you have reclaimed.  I thank you for the blessing of the last ten years, and for all the sweet memories of these lives…  I thank you for the full assurance that each has gone to the arms of the Good Shepherd, whom each loved according to the capacity of her years.  I thank you for the bright hopes of a happy reunion, when we shall meet to part no more.  O Lord, for Jesus Christ’s sake, comfort our desolate hearts.  

–Campbell Tait, five of whose six children died of scarlet fever in one month, in 1856.  (From 2000 Years of Classic Christian Prayers, ed. by Owen Collins, 1999, page 169)